I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize