I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
