and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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