HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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