There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
