My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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