I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
