so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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