I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize