My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
