If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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