Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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