If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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