found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everyone says I win the strip club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
