you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He better not be in your backpack
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
