So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize