I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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