did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
