She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
