So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
