Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize