I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
