Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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