mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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