How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
