WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
