Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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