I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
