So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
