I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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