Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
