for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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