yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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