I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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