At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
