I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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