why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
