You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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