He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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