Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
