I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
