highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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