hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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