I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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