the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
