I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
