yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
