Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize