I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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