Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
