Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize