I am spending my child support on dildos
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
