I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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