i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
