Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
