I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
