I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize