Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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