its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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