i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
