dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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