Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
