Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
