Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
