I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
