im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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