So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
