He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
