be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Panties = found
Randomize
