News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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