I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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