its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
