Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
