ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
