Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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