Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize