we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
