we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
