I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
