idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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