you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
