i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
