Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
