I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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