I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
