dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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