But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
