we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
