Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
