...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
