Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
