Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
