i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize