you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
