the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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