If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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